Marriage Counseling - Ready to Save Your Marriage?

A good article on help with infidelity

Marriage Counseling - Ready to Save Your Marriage? by Kelly Purden

As observed in many families of today, there are already many instances where a certain family faces a hard time. There are some parents that tend to resort to divorce hoping to end up all their family problems. However, if the family is still willing to solve their current predicament, then there will always be a way to help them out of it. There are couple that resort to marriage counseling to be able to try to find a third party helping them out of their problem. There are certain family and marriage problems that may be solved through marriage counseling. If the family faces difficulties communicating openly with each other, then the counselor can be the one to bridge their gap. Added to this, a couple may still find a way to keep the family intact even if they are through infidelity, trauma, violence and even abuse. Getting a little help from another individual may be the choice that one is waiting for. Once you are ready with marriage counseling, you will be able to realize that there is still a way for a marriage to work as long as the members of the family are all willing to listen and communicate effectively with each other. To engage in marriage counseling would be useless if the members of the family are not open for this new phase in their family life. Most of what they should learn would consist of details about time management and effective conflict resolution. If a family has already accepted that there really is a problem, the next step would be to find a solution to it. One should try to check the marriage counseling options as this may be generally a good way of starting out a good change for the family. You will have different services that may be offered and you can choose which ones are needed by the couple. Some may need to engage in individual, couple, or even family counseling. This would depend on the situation that is seen by the counselor. To start with this new stage in saving the marriage, you can begin searching for the counselor that would best suit you. You may ask for referrals from your friends or you can do it on your own. However, you should remember to check on the credentials of the counselor and the legality of their service. Additionally, you should be able to communicate well enough to the counselor and ensure that the payment options are also not a problem for both parties. Also, it would be best if your counselor already had an experience dealing with problems that your family has. This will be a good basis for his experience in solving out the problem that you have. Once you are able to find the one that you need, discuss to him or her all of the things that you expect from the marriage counseling sessions. Also, the schedules should be set and made sure that it is not conflicting. There are many things that must be set for a marriage counseling to work out but when it is properly done, you will also see that there are also many benefits that can be experienced from it.

About the Author

Worried about the possibility of a marriage counseling? Stop thinking that way! Award winning free course on how to stop divorce and save your marriage is available for a limited time at http://www.SaveYourMarriageQuick.com

help with infidelity

How To Handle A Cheating Spouse - Dealing With The Infidelity

How To Handle A Cheating Spouse - Dealing With The Infidelity by Peter Harris

Are you involved in a relationship with a spouse that has cheated on you? This can be one of the most devastating experiences that a person can experience. The effects of a cheating spouse can be felt on many different levels and they can last a lifetime if they are not dealt with. Here are some tips on how to handle a cheating spouse.

1. It is important to understand the nature of the "cheater." You have to determine if this act of infidelity was just a bad mistake and it won't happen again or is your spouse unfulfilled and will continue these acts. It comes down to the question of why did your spouse cheat. You may need the help of a professional counselor to determine this but it is important to know.

2. Accept the fact that this happened and it has caused you a great deal of negative emotions. The sooner you accept it the sooner you can deal with it. Not dealing with the pain and anger you are feeling can lead you down a self-destructive path that will not benefit you or anyone around you. Yes, you are the victim. But you and only you can pull yourself back together and make the decision to deal with the problem.

3. How to handle a cheating spouse will involve leaning on friends for support. Use them for strength and comfort.

4. Be prepared to elicit the help of a professional relationship or marriage counselor. These are trained professionals that work with troubled relationships everyday. They can help you learn to understand what has happened and establish a plan that can help you overcome the experience. Don't underestimate the help that they can give you.

5. You should have a strategy, perhaps even several strategies. How will you confront your spouse if you discover they are cheating? How will you take care of yourself once the situation is out in the open? Have you ever had to deal with a painful situation before and can you rely on your past experience to help you through this?

As painful and as hurtful as this situation can be you must learn how to handle a cheating spouse. Incorporate the suggestions above; find answers to the questions posed in the article. You can move forward after your partner has cheated. How you move forward is up to you.

About the Author

If you would like to learn more about how to handle a cheating spouse and relationships in general then click here now: Cheating Spouse. You will also receive my new, free ebook titled "Understanding Why Men Leave A Relationship."

Peter Harris is a health care professional and author and writes frequently about relationships.

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help with infidelity

A very informative help with infidelity article by infidelity expert, Alison Sardelli

Infidelity: The Signs and Prevention

The percentage of breakups and divorces due to infidelity has increased greatly over the last decade and is a cause for great concern amongst couples in any stage of their relationship. The estimated facts and figures maybe greatly swayed by the simple fact that with newer technology people are able to keep tabs on each other with greater ease; this could mean that couples are not actually more likely to be unfaithful now, but are simply being caught more often. The issue of infidelity is one that has been discussed countless times over centuries of relationships and yet there is no firm solution, no safety net against it or fail-safe procedure to detect either the cause or the action. Many suffer from extreme cases of jealousy or insecurity, often the two are intermingled and can lead to the belief that their partner has or will be unfaithful at some point in the relationship. The very idea of infidelity can be enough to ruin a relationship simply because the trust, at least in one's mind, is broken; when one is unable to trust their partner the problem can manifest itself in many horrible ways and create an irresolvable tension between the two people. Before making accusations or causing oneself to suffer unconfirmed suspicions, one must always keep the power of the imagination, coupled with feelings of doubt in mind. Working through such doubts can be a difficult task for both people in the relationship; however most can be overcome if the lines of communication are open.

Overcoming Insecurity: Learning to trust your loved ones:

* Difficult though it may be, one must explain these feelings of doubt to one's partner; be sure to discuss whether or not they have contributed in some way to these feelings, if so perhaps some pattern of behavior can be altered now that it has been pointed out. Always be considerate of your loved ones, do not accuse them, simply let them know that you are having these feelings and if you are able try to pinpoint what triggers them. To share such deep feelings with one's partner is a difficult action to take and many might feel too embarrassed or vulnerable, however to share these feelings is an excellent first step toward gaining the very trust that one has been lacking.

* A common problem with insecurity is the tendency to smother one's partner: having to know where they are at all times and who they might be with, or even a constant need to be with them which in turn gives them little or no time to themselves. Part of trusting is not needing to "keep tabs" on the person you love, one should be able to trust their partner at all times, not just when one is around to observe their behavior. It is healthy to desire alone time, even in a new relationship people need time to reflect or concentrate on a variety of different parts of their life that make them who they are. Not only should one allow their partner to have plenty of time to be on their own, but enjoy this time to themselves as well. The constant need for company is most often a sign that one has a deeper issue that is being left unexpressed and therefore unresolved. Working toward the ability to enjoy both times together and apart allows for couples to be independent while still relying on each other.

* Especially for those who have a tendency to look for a deeper meaning in subtle words or actions it can be easy to misunderstand and believe the worst about your partner. The simple solution to this problem is to ask, to discuss and allow your partner to explain. Again, I would like to stress that to accuse is NOT to discuss; forcing one's partner to feel as if they are under constant scrutiny will most likely result in them pushing away from the relationship. However, to assume that one knows all that is being thought by their partner can result in needless worry and can most often be resolved by simply expressing one's curiosity or doubt, giving the person a chance to not only explain but reassure. It is difficult to deal with a very insecure partner, especially if one has done nothing to provoke such feelings, always remember that if you are the one who is trying to overcome these problems to be as patient and understanding of your partner's anxiety as they are with yours. The "lover's quarrel" is a famous situation, used countless times in literature, to create a dramatic environment between two people; the reader is kept in suspense as either one or both of the lovers remain ignorant of the true problem, usually resolved toward the end of the story (in more dramatic versions one or both lovers are dead before the truth is revealed.) Though the situation might seem too dramatic for real life it is a constant problem that people do not communicate their feelings or express their concerns about others actions. To keep a relationship strong one must voice one's thoughts and allow their partners to be explained, before assumption destroys it.

* One of the most common problems attributed to the inability to trust others is that one does not like oneself. As this is a complex and serious issue with many complex triggers and constructive solutions, I would simply like to mention that it is in many relationships at the core of insecurity and should be considered when attempting to build trust.

Though it is the responsibility of each person in a relationship to be honest and abide by the commitments that have ach agreed to, there are certain qualities and actions which can greatly increase the risk of driving a person into a state in which they are more likely to be unfaithful. With busy lives it is far too easy to overlook some of the most important aspects of a good relationship.

Becoming or staying close to your partner:

* Appreciation is one of the most common interactions to be dismissed in a relationship, often people take each other for granted, often this occurs due to a routine that involves tasks that are important to the relationship but occur so often that they become overlooked. A compliment or show of gratitude can go a long way toward bringing two people closer together.

* Make time for each other that goes beyond the daily routine; it doesn't have to be an expensive vacation, a simple day or weekend out can make for some amazing changes in a relationship. One must always keep in mind that toward the beginning of the relationship many things are new and exciting, to bring fresh activities or discussion topics into a stale atmosphere can do help to bring people closer together.

* There are many ways to be affectionate; from a simple kiss to a long night of passion, showing one's partner that they desire to be close to them physically instills a sense of closeness that cannot always be achieved with words. Even such simple signs of affection as a hug or kiss can bring warmth to a person's day and have a surprising affect on their mood. Always be sure that your feelings are shown not only in words but through actions to assure that your partner knows how much you care for them.

* If one is inclined to believe that their partner is unsatisfied with the sexual portion of their relationship it is healthy to inquire and discuss the possible actions that can be taken to assure that both people are pleased. Some expectations may strictly be of a fantastical nature and perhaps cannot be achieved, but often the simple desires between couples can be fulfilled if they take the time to share them with one another. The action of being unfaithful, when one has made a commitment to be faithful, often has little to do with sexual desire. Often those who find themselves cheating on their partners admit that they feel as though their relationship is lacking in some way and if the frustration of this problem had not occurred they might never have considered being unfaithful. It is the responsibility of both partners to discuss problems, however for many communicating with others is a difficult task. When one feels especially vulnerable because one is no longer receiving enough attention or affection from one's partner it can be difficult to discuss, as often one feels as though they are responsible for this decline. This is how many affairs begin, more often with simple attention, a person who makes one feel special when one's partner, at least in appearance, no longer seems to feel this way.

The unfortunate signs to look for: Is your partner unfaithful?

* One's partner is reluctant to divulge times, locations or the names of others they will be with when they are out, especially if this information was given freely earlier in the relationship. People desire the freedom of not having to answer to their partners and should be forced to ask permission as adults to go out and enjoy themselves, however, the courtesy of simply allowing one's partner to know what is taking place in one's life is not unreasonable.

* Drastic decrease or increase in displays of affection can both be signs that something in a relationship is amiss. These changes can be caused by many things, infidelity should never be assumed, however if one notices that this change has occurred in their relationship one might to do well to discuss it with their partner. Decreases in physical attention often indicate that one's partner does not feel as close as they may have at one time; this action is more often an emotional issue that can be cured with a little attention and reassurance. Though it might seem perplexing a drastic increase of affection can be just as much a sign of worry that a decrease can be; often those who are acting unfaithfully feel guilty and seek to rid themselves of it by overcompensation emotionally, physically and often monetarily with the buying of unexpected gifts. Never assume that if your loved one buys a non-holiday related gift that it is anything more than a sign of affection, however coupled with other changes in behavior it can be an indication that something is wrong.

* Secretive behavior is almost never a sign that a couple has a strong relationship, the inability to share personal issues is usually a sign that one or both people in the relationship lack trust. If one believes their partner to be keeping things, which are inappropriate to be secretive about, from them it is best to inquire, calmly and without accusations, about them.

With the exception of those couples who choose to keep their relationships open to including others, most people experience anxiety about infidelity at some point in their relationship, often these fears are unfounded and simply cause by how vulnerable deep feelings can make one feel. While there may not be a certain set of actions one can take to either detect or prevent such an occurrence in their relationship, if one remains attentive to their partner and maintains a level of openness and honesty one can almost certainly prevent the emotional distresses that often lead to these hurtful actions.

Written by Katt Chat for Village Matchmaker's Online dating reviews. Kattchat, your unofficial online dating and relationship advisor.

About the Author

Many years of advice has enabled Alison (Katt) to diagnose specific problems and offer solutions on the subjects of dating and relationships. Visit http://www.villagematchmaker.com to read about helpful tips and submit questions of your own.

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help with infidelity

After Infidelity Marriage Rebuilding

A very helpful article concerning help with infidelity titled, After the Affair - Marriage Rebuilding by Seth Brownstein

You had an affair. Your partner knows. So what happens now?

You've ended the affair and you've promised it'll never happen again.

You want to stay married, move forward in your relationship, and put the affair behind you, but your partner will not be so quick to forgive and forget as you are.

This is a common situation that we often see in our marriage counseling practice.

While the offending partner usually wants to forget the affair and move on, the injured partner is still processing the pain and sorting through their feelings about the relationship.

But rebuilding a marriage after an affair doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen just because you are ready to move on.

Restoring trust requires commitment, dedication, and a willingness to do whatever work is necessary to make the marriage whole again.

If you're trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered relationship, here are a few areas that you'll need to focus on to start the rebuilding process.

Start by rebuilding trust

After an affair, your partner will justifiably doubt anything you say. You're going to have to work to earn back your partner's respect and trust, one fragile piece at a time. And it's your partner, not you, who will determine the trust timetable and whether they can ever trust you again. You also must accept the fact that your partner's trust may never be 100 percent complete. However, just because you've betrayed your partner doesn't necessarily mean the marriage is over or can't be saved. If there's love and commitment between you, there's reason to believe that the relationship can be rebuilt. We see it happen in our practice every day.

Accept responsibility for your past behavior

You're the one who decided to have the affair. Don't blame it on drunkenness, on problems in your marriage, on your affair partner, or on any other external circumstances. Don't try to dismiss your behavior, and don't try to minimize the impact on your relationship. Accept the fact that you made hurtful decisions, and hope that your partner can forgive you and move on. If you don't accept personal responsibility, and try to blame the affair on external circumstances, you won't discover what you need to learn or change. Otherwise, you're signaling to your partner that an affair could happen again.

Commit to open, honest and patient communication

Accept the fact that your partner is going to have difficulty understanding why you put your relationship in jeopardy. Partners want answers to questions that are often uncomfortable. But you must answer their questions patiently and honestly, regardless of how uncomfortable they make you feel. Just accept this as part of the process your partner needs to go through to move toward rebuilding. Don't become defensive, dismissive or evasive with answers to your partners' questions. Your partner needs to know that you're willing to answer questions openly and honestly. Your openness builds trust while defensiveness corrodes trust.

Use this experience to grow emotionally

This is a good time to critically evaluate the emotions and thinking that led to your infidelity. Try to identify any problems or unhappiness prior to starting the affair. It's a time for self-assessment, not just marriage assessment. Was the affair an attempt to "cure" these feelings or avoid them? Did you put too much blame on your marriage for your unhappiness? How are you going to address these problems in a healthy way? These areas will need to be examined before your marriage can move forward. If you skip this step in the healing process, your marriage will be in peril.

Healing takes time

You'd like this to be over as quickly as possible, but your partner is going to need time to work through the healing process. When emotional trust is broken in a relationship, it's not much different from a physical injury. If you were to break your leg, you wouldn't be out jogging the next day. The leg needs time to heal. Well, the same holds true for an emotional fracture. It may take considerably longer to heal than a physical injury, but given enough time and the correct treatment, chances of a healthy recovery are significantly improved.

Seek professional help

You may want to seek advice from a therapist who specializes in marriage and couples counseling to help you work through some of these issues. When couples are in crisis after an affair, it is very difficult to navigate through the emotional turmoil, confusion and loss of hope. It helps to have an experienced counselor help you to work through the complicated issues on the way to recovery.

About the Author

New Page 1

Seth Brownstein, MA, Licensed Psychologist-Master - MaryAnn Bock, MS, Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Together, they operate Associates in Couples Counseling in Burlington, VT, specializing in marriage counseling, marriage advice, and personalized marriage retreats. http://associatesincouplescounseling.com

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help with infidelity

help with infidelity

After the Affair - Marriage Rebuilding article by help with infidelity expert, Seth Brownstein

You had an affair. Your partner knows. So what happens now?

You've ended the affair and you've promised it'll never happen again.

You want to stay married, move forward in your relationship, and put the affair behind you, but your partner will not be so quick to forgive and forget as you are.

This is a common situation that we often see in our marriage counseling practice.

While the offending partner usually wants to forget the affair and move on, the injured partner is still processing the pain and sorting through their feelings about the relationship.

But rebuilding a marriage after an affair doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen just because you are ready to move on.

Restoring trust requires commitment, dedication, and a willingness to do whatever work is necessary to make the marriage whole again.

If you're trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered relationship, here are a few areas that you'll need to focus on to start the rebuilding process.

Start by rebuilding trust

After an affair, your partner will justifiably doubt anything you say. You're going to have to work to earn back your partner's respect and trust, one fragile piece at a time. And it's your partner, not you, who will determine the trust timetable and whether they can ever trust you again. You also must accept the fact that your partner's trust may never be 100 percent complete. However, just because you've betrayed your partner doesn't necessarily mean the marriage is over or can't be saved. If there's love and commitment between you, there's reason to believe that the relationship can be rebuilt. We see it happen in our practice every day.

Accept responsibility for your past behavior

You're the one who decided to have the affair. Don't blame it on drunkenness, on problems in your marriage, on your affair partner, or on any other external circumstances. Don't try to dismiss your behavior, and don't try to minimize the impact on your relationship. Accept the fact that you made hurtful decisions, and hope that your partner can forgive you and move on. If you don't accept personal responsibility, and try to blame the affair on external circumstances, you won't discover what you need to learn or change. Otherwise, you're signaling to your partner that an affair could happen again.

Commit to open, honest and patient communication

Accept the fact that your partner is going to have difficulty understanding why you put your relationship in jeopardy. Partners want answers to questions that are often uncomfortable. But you must answer their questions patiently and honestly, regardless of how uncomfortable they make you feel. Just accept this as part of the process your partner needs to go through to move toward rebuilding. Don't become defensive, dismissive or evasive with answers to your partners' questions. Your partner needs to know that you're willing to answer questions openly and honestly. Your openness builds trust while defensiveness corrodes trust.

Use this experience to grow emotionally

This is a good time to critically evaluate the emotions and thinking that led to your infidelity. Try to identify any problems or unhappiness prior to starting the affair. It's a time for self-assessment, not just marriage assessment. Was the affair an attempt to "cure" these feelings or avoid them? Did you put too much blame on your marriage for your unhappiness? How are you going to address these problems in a healthy way? These areas will need to be examined before your marriage can move forward. If you skip this step in the healing process, your marriage will be in peril.

Healing takes time

You'd like this to be over as quickly as possible, but your partner is going to need time to work through the healing process. When emotional trust is broken in a relationship, it's not much different from a physical injury. If you were to break your leg, you wouldn't be out jogging the next day. The leg needs time to heal. Well, the same holds true for an emotional fracture. It may take considerably longer to heal than a physical injury, but given enough time and the correct treatment, chances of a healthy recovery are significantly improved.

Seek professional help

You may want to seek advice from a therapist who specializes in marriage and couples counseling to help you work through some of these issues. When couples are in crisis after an affair, it is very difficult to navigate through the emotional turmoil, confusion and loss of hope. It helps to have an experienced counselor help you to work through the complicated issues on the way to recovery.

About the Author

New Page 1

Seth Brownstein, MA, Licensed Psychologist-Master - MaryAnn Bock, MS, Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Together, they operate Associates in Couples Counseling in Burlington, VT, specializing in marriage counseling, marriage advice, and personalized marriage retreats. http://associatesincouplescounseling.com

help with infidelity