Marriage Help In Understanding Infidelity and Overcoming Infidelity
I wish I had an easy answer for you on understanding infidelity
and overcoming infidelity but there isn't a simple recipe or one size
fits all solution. Obviously if you are dealing with infidelity you know
how painful and complicated it is. My hope for you is that as everyday
goes by your heart aches just a little less and your tears are further
apart.
I realize that your situation or circumstances for dealing with infidelity probably is very unique to you but what I hope to do with this article is provide you with some helpful information for understanding infidelity and overcoming your partner's unfaithfulness.
The Affair Is Uncovered, Now What?
I'm not sure if you were blindsided by the affair or if you had suspicions for some time about the cheating but once it's confirmed the next steps are pretty much the same. You get sick to your stomach, you feel betrayed, hurt, angry, resentful, remorseful and ready to end the marriage. You have trouble sleeping, eating and making it through the day and that's generally how it goes for a little while.
However, there is a point during this process that you realize that you have to make a decision regarding your cheating spouse and your marriage. The key to how your relationship survives an affair is what decisions you make early on after discovering the affair.
If I can I'd like to share what I would suggest you don't do and that is what my mom did upon learning of my father's infidelity. Instead of getting a good understanding of why or how infidelity found its way into their marriage, she put 4 bullets in him and sent him to the emergency room. Needless to say that their marriage didn't survive infidelity but thank goodness he did. So clearly, my mom let her emotions of anger, bitterness and resentment get in the way of healing and recover after the affair was discovered.
I mention this only to illustrate that if you aren't careful and take control of the situation things can get out of hand.
Please don't make any rash decisions before you give yourself a chance to understand what happened and perhaps try to restore your relationship after infidelity.
Understanding Infidelity Challenges
I don't want to quote any statistics on how many couples survive infidelity or how many times a cheater cheats again. Numbers and percentages are really meaningless because it's the people involved that matter the most.
Needless to say that your spouse has broken some very serious vows and restoring the broken trust, respect and bond between the two of you will take time and work.
There will be many days when you question yourself and decision to even try to figure things out or restore your relationship. You will be tested probably over the next year as you struggle with forgiveness and trust. There will also be some setbacks along the way when your spouse gives you reasons to doubt his or her commitment.
One of the biggest challenges you will face is the images of your spouse cheating and wondering if the intimacy with the other person was better.
It's very important that you learn how to focus on the future and not constantly let the negative thoughts and images regarding the affair prevent you from healing ad forgiveness.
Overcoming Infidelity
What does it mean to you to overcome infidelity? For some, recovering from an affair means restoring their marriage, family and life and having things back to normal. For others it means getting a good understanding of why it happened, forgiving their cheating spouse and mutually agreeing to ending their. Then there are those folks who want to make their spouse pay for breaking up their marriage and overcoming is achieved when revenge is realized.
For your situation a good place to start is kind of get an idea of where you would like to end up. Don't be influenced by how you feel right now but instead if this were a perfect world what would your relationship be a year from now. If you knew that you could have a blissful marriage where infidelity has been overcome and joy, peace, trust and love was plentiful in your marriage would that be sufficient for you?
Well, I must say that you can have what you want, if you go about it the right way. If you want to get understanding and closure and move on with your life, please make sure you try to do that. I'd hate for you to carry this burden for years because it can steal your joy and happiness if you allow it to.
Now, my hope is that you will continue down the path of understanding infidelity and overcoming infidelity to the point where you understand, forgive, restore and rebuild your marriage. If for some strange reason this doesn't work out, I assure you that you will have no regrets.
I'm sorry for you having to deal with such a painful marriage experience. Please know and believe that things can get better and you can make it through this difficult period in your life.
I realize that your situation or circumstances for dealing with infidelity probably is very unique to you but what I hope to do with this article is provide you with some helpful information for understanding infidelity and overcoming your partner's unfaithfulness.
The Affair Is Uncovered, Now What?
I'm not sure if you were blindsided by the affair or if you had suspicions for some time about the cheating but once it's confirmed the next steps are pretty much the same. You get sick to your stomach, you feel betrayed, hurt, angry, resentful, remorseful and ready to end the marriage. You have trouble sleeping, eating and making it through the day and that's generally how it goes for a little while.
However, there is a point during this process that you realize that you have to make a decision regarding your cheating spouse and your marriage. The key to how your relationship survives an affair is what decisions you make early on after discovering the affair.
If I can I'd like to share what I would suggest you don't do and that is what my mom did upon learning of my father's infidelity. Instead of getting a good understanding of why or how infidelity found its way into their marriage, she put 4 bullets in him and sent him to the emergency room. Needless to say that their marriage didn't survive infidelity but thank goodness he did. So clearly, my mom let her emotions of anger, bitterness and resentment get in the way of healing and recover after the affair was discovered.
I mention this only to illustrate that if you aren't careful and take control of the situation things can get out of hand.
Please don't make any rash decisions before you give yourself a chance to understand what happened and perhaps try to restore your relationship after infidelity.
Understanding Infidelity Challenges
I don't want to quote any statistics on how many couples survive infidelity or how many times a cheater cheats again. Numbers and percentages are really meaningless because it's the people involved that matter the most.
Needless to say that your spouse has broken some very serious vows and restoring the broken trust, respect and bond between the two of you will take time and work.
There will be many days when you question yourself and decision to even try to figure things out or restore your relationship. You will be tested probably over the next year as you struggle with forgiveness and trust. There will also be some setbacks along the way when your spouse gives you reasons to doubt his or her commitment.
One of the biggest challenges you will face is the images of your spouse cheating and wondering if the intimacy with the other person was better.
It's very important that you learn how to focus on the future and not constantly let the negative thoughts and images regarding the affair prevent you from healing ad forgiveness.
Overcoming Infidelity
What does it mean to you to overcome infidelity? For some, recovering from an affair means restoring their marriage, family and life and having things back to normal. For others it means getting a good understanding of why it happened, forgiving their cheating spouse and mutually agreeing to ending their. Then there are those folks who want to make their spouse pay for breaking up their marriage and overcoming is achieved when revenge is realized.
For your situation a good place to start is kind of get an idea of where you would like to end up. Don't be influenced by how you feel right now but instead if this were a perfect world what would your relationship be a year from now. If you knew that you could have a blissful marriage where infidelity has been overcome and joy, peace, trust and love was plentiful in your marriage would that be sufficient for you?
Well, I must say that you can have what you want, if you go about it the right way. If you want to get understanding and closure and move on with your life, please make sure you try to do that. I'd hate for you to carry this burden for years because it can steal your joy and happiness if you allow it to.
Now, my hope is that you will continue down the path of understanding infidelity and overcoming infidelity to the point where you understand, forgive, restore and rebuild your marriage. If for some strange reason this doesn't work out, I assure you that you will have no regrets.
I'm sorry for you having to deal with such a painful marriage experience. Please know and believe that things can get better and you can make it through this difficult period in your life.
If you would like some more suggestions of improving your
marriage or specifically dealing with infidelity please visit my blog, Help In Marriage.
There you can find a wide range of marriage articles and a free
mini-course on Saving Your Marriage or Healing After An Affair.
You can go here, Dealing With Infidelity, to sign up for the Healing After An Affair free-course.
I wish you all the best in your healing and recovery!
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=D_P_Haynes
You can go here, Dealing With Infidelity, to sign up for the Healing After An Affair free-course.
I wish you all the best in your healing and recovery!
