Tip #1: Create a Tele-Buddy
Many times people feel guilty, or feel like a failure after they have discovered their partner was having an affair. This can lead to feelings of shame so they go into an emotional cocoon. They become afraid to openly discuss what has happened to them as it will bring embarrassment on themselves or their cheating partner.
This is a time to get your feelings out so you can deal with the situation in an empowered manner.
One tip is to create a Tele-buddy. A Tele-buddy is a close friend or family member that loves you very much and will be patient and non-judgmental. Ask this person or it could be two people, to make an emotional contract with you for the next 14 days.Have the Tele-buddy agree that for the next 14 days he or she will take your calls and let you talk to them about your feelings. You are renting their ears. After 14 days you can re-new the pact as you may feel it is time to move forward in some areas as you have released the negative emotions that can stop you from taking action. By putting a renewal time on it, it allows you to step back and review where you are emotionally. It allows your Tele-buddy a chance to help you review what he or she has heard and both of you discuss how you are healing.
Tip #2- Get an audio voice recorder
In order not to burn out your Tele-buddy, invest in a small voice recorder. Talking into a voice recorder allows you to get rid of a wave of emotion at 3:00am without disturbing your Tele-buddy. You can carry it with you while you take a walk and let go. Then later on, you can play it back and listen to yourself just like a Tele-buddy or friend would hear you. This can give you a new perspective and actually help you steep outside the situation and give advice to yourself!
Tip #3 - Have a Great Cry
Crying is nature's way of releasing emotions and helping our bodies relax. Crying is a simple thing to do. The best way is to get in a quiet space and just let it all go. For many people letting go and having a deep cry is difficult as we have been taught not to cry. For men, this can be very challenging. They have been taught to suck it up and not to become too emotional.
If you find it difficult to have a deep cry then allow yourself to shed some tears, albeit brief, to remove some of the emotion. Eventually you will hit that big deep cry that allows the full emotions to come to the surface. Many people find that after a deep cry they reach a turn-around point as they have released all of the remaining emotions and now their mind is clear to begin making decisions about the direction of their lives.
Feeling the negative emotions are normal for when getting over the pain of discovering that your partner had an affair. Setting up a few positive, non destructive strategies to release the emotions will help you start surviving infidelity. With the emotions not clouding your judgment, you can make better decisions on the direction of your life.
Many times people feel guilty, or feel like a failure after they have discovered their partner was having an affair. This can lead to feelings of shame so they go into an emotional cocoon. They become afraid to openly discuss what has happened to them as it will bring embarrassment on themselves or their cheating partner.
This is a time to get your feelings out so you can deal with the situation in an empowered manner.
One tip is to create a Tele-buddy. A Tele-buddy is a close friend or family member that loves you very much and will be patient and non-judgmental. Ask this person or it could be two people, to make an emotional contract with you for the next 14 days.Have the Tele-buddy agree that for the next 14 days he or she will take your calls and let you talk to them about your feelings. You are renting their ears. After 14 days you can re-new the pact as you may feel it is time to move forward in some areas as you have released the negative emotions that can stop you from taking action. By putting a renewal time on it, it allows you to step back and review where you are emotionally. It allows your Tele-buddy a chance to help you review what he or she has heard and both of you discuss how you are healing.
Tip #2- Get an audio voice recorder
In order not to burn out your Tele-buddy, invest in a small voice recorder. Talking into a voice recorder allows you to get rid of a wave of emotion at 3:00am without disturbing your Tele-buddy. You can carry it with you while you take a walk and let go. Then later on, you can play it back and listen to yourself just like a Tele-buddy or friend would hear you. This can give you a new perspective and actually help you steep outside the situation and give advice to yourself!
Tip #3 - Have a Great Cry
Crying is nature's way of releasing emotions and helping our bodies relax. Crying is a simple thing to do. The best way is to get in a quiet space and just let it all go. For many people letting go and having a deep cry is difficult as we have been taught not to cry. For men, this can be very challenging. They have been taught to suck it up and not to become too emotional.
If you find it difficult to have a deep cry then allow yourself to shed some tears, albeit brief, to remove some of the emotion. Eventually you will hit that big deep cry that allows the full emotions to come to the surface. Many people find that after a deep cry they reach a turn-around point as they have released all of the remaining emotions and now their mind is clear to begin making decisions about the direction of their lives.
Feeling the negative emotions are normal for when getting over the pain of discovering that your partner had an affair. Setting up a few positive, non destructive strategies to release the emotions will help you start surviving infidelity. With the emotions not clouding your judgment, you can make better decisions on the direction of your life.
Joseph Iarocci has written a number of articles and books on self
empowerment. More information on how to determine if a spouse is
cheating can be found at http://www.signsaspouseischeating.com/infidelity-counselling/ A free mini-course and other free articles are available to view
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